links for 2008-03-30

• Garrison Keillor on Bad Grammar and Misspelling
  I just love this guy.

Time for Gardening!

Dare I type it out loud, but we may have had our last frost here in Nashville. Last year, of course, we had 2-3 nights of temps in the teens in mid-April, damaging lots of trees, shrubs and emerging crops. I still have one bush that's limping along from that episode [not the one I wanted to die, of course].

In Nashville, our last frost is typically in early April. But the 10-day forecast looks like late spring weather for the next couple weeks, pushing us well past our typical last frost. Surely we won't get burned two years in a row??

All this just points to what I have not done yet:

1. Cleaned up the garden
2. Weeded my flowerbeds
3. Built paths in the garden
4. Bought a compost bin
5. Planted early spring crops like lettuce and peas

I can tell ya now, we're leaving 3 and 5 by the wayside for the time being. 1 will have to happen of course. 2 and 4 shouldn't be too hard, and I therefore need to get on the stick. Meanwhile, it's 9 p.m. and pitch black, so I can leave off worrying about all this til tomorrow.

The Perennial Plant Society's sale is next weekend...I just have to be ready by then!

Basketball grudges

Random aside: My gender-stereotyped 2yo son seems to have figured out the gist of most sports without my help. I was very diligent about explaining all kinds of sports to the 8yo....we still discuss details fairly often when watching a game. But the 2yo? I mean, I'm sure he's been around when I was talking sports with the 8yo. But he's so busy, I don't see how he could have been listening. Yet I sat with him tonight watching March Madness, and he tells me what's going on in the game.

So now, the 2yo is in bed, and I'm faced with a major dilemma. Whom to cheer for in the UT-Louisville game? Both are significant rivals of my fave college basketball teams -- Memphis and Vanderbilt. Memphis and Louisville are both conference-hoppers, but several times, they've been in the same conference -- usually the two best teams. And tonight, it looks like Louisville may kick UT in the pants.

I'm really conflicted. I am not excited about Louisville doing so well [up by 11 with just a few minutes left in the first half], but I'm certainly not going to cheer for UT. I feel like I do when two hated teams play in football -- I'm wishing the tie were available.

But this situation got me to thinking -- I have always prided myself on not holding grudges. [Haha it cracks me up just to say that. Get it, being proud about it? Pride is a sin? Nevermind.] But now that I think about it, when it comes to college sports, I've got a ton of grudges. Here are some of the teams I hate:

• UT - Definitely the biggest
• Duke - Right up there
• Florida - Do I really need a reason?
• Louisville - Explained above
• LSU - Thanks to general air of scandal and several beatings they have administered to Vandy over the years
• Notre Dame - See Florida
• USC [the one in California] - Just because
• Ole Miss - I'm still not over that whole Rebel flag thing. Likewise, I have negative feelings about the state legislature in South Carolina.

Below that top layer, there's a whole group of teams I'd just as soon cheer against as cheer for: Michigan, UCLA, Colorado, Kentucky, South Carolina, Connecticut, Oklahoma, Nebraska.

I'm not sure what all this means. Because sports are superficial and without real meaning, right? Is that enough to excuse all these grudges I have? I'm grasping here, OK?

I just like to argue. Well, and plus, I'm right.

So the other day, I got into an, umm, discussion with the soon-to-be hubby over educational research. Poor guy, he didn't live through last year's school uniform debate around here [actually I'm sure he's grateful], so he had NO idea what he was getting himself into.

We were talking about Dr. Leonard Sax, who's well known for advocating single-sex education, and for his concern over underachievement by boys. We'll just lay out my biases on the front end:

• I'm a skeptic about educational research, having seen so-called research so recently used against my free-spirit daughter to force her into a uniform.
• Single-sex education is one of the many pieces of spaghetti thrown against the wall by the Metro schools in the past year. Thankfully, that one hasn't stuck yet.
• When women start making equal salaries with men, and stop suffering economically for raising children, I'll start worrying about male underachievement.

Now, after the fact, I'm able to grant some of the soon-to-be's points, namely that, in general, boys and girls may learn differently, or in general, they may be attracted to different types of activities, and that can affect their schoolwork as well.

Part of what makes me so argumentative on these points is that I was not a typical girl in many ways. I used to break my sister's Barbies -- had no use for them myself. I always loved math and science in school. I was [female stereotypically] quiet and a good student, but I didn't hesitate to argue if I thought another student, or even a teacher, was wrong. At various points, I've tried hard, but I've never been all that worried about clothes.

But here's where it all goes off the rails. I could easily envision choosing a single-sex environment for both of my kids. I don't know that I ever will, but I can envision a situation where I might. And even better, both my kids meet your stereotype of their gender. The 2yo is boisterous, full of fun, and sometimes aggressive. He can't sit still and he likes to be in charge. You might say that describes any 2yo, but when the 8yo was that age, the volume of everything she did was different. She was most definitely 2, but in a very different way than her brother. Even today, she loves the color pink. Dance. Dolls. Makeup and dress-up. She's a girly-girl.

Now, I'll say on the back end here, I also haven't read Sax's books. I'm probably right in guessing though, that what he says is more nuanced than the public perception of his work. But here's my real problem--leaving him aside. I disagree with viewing children by group when it comes to education. You can't convince me that all 7yos need the same thing, nor all girls, all boys or even all below-average readers in the 5th grade in your neighborhood. Public education -- all education to a large degree -- is about giving all kids exposure to the same set of facts. The idea that we all need to learn to read, do some math, understand a bit about the world around us. But I reject the idea that there's one way to teach all that stuff....not even four right ways.

It took me a long time to get to the point where I knew that I learn best by reading and most especially by writing. I became really good at taking notes, because I couldn't remember anything someone told me. But once I translated it onto paper, or typed it into the computer -- boom, had it down cold. For the moment, it appears to me that my daughter learns really well by hearing and speaking, but it may be that her reading and writing skills are still developing and that will change. Point being, we're all different. School is a warehouse. There are reasons for that, some good. But we don't all fit in that round hole. I want schools that can handle that.

Call me PC if you like, but the semantics matter

I've mentioned around here many times that I adopted the 2yo. He was born in Guatemala and came home at 7 months. He's now almost three and is just such a joy to me, his sister and our whole family.

Until I had some close friends who adopted children shortly before I adopted the 2yo, I never spent much time thinking about such matters. When I began to go through the adoption proceedings myself, I spent practically all my time thinking about adoption, and how it builds a family, and how you view your family, and how others will view your family.

Today I was filling out a form related to my wedding in June. It asked for my "natural mother" and "natural father." Umm, perscuse me? I'll just say this set me off. I see questions like this now through my son's eyes -- how would he regard such a question?

I rarely write or talk about the 2yo's adoption. Frankly, I don't view it as most other people's business. But I'm going to take a moment here to answer all the rude questions I've been asked. In many cases, you may have asked them of someone yourself, in all ignorance. I'm sure I have asked similar ones myself in the past, not thinking of how they'd be received on the other side.

• First the "natural mother"/"natural father" issue. Now, I can imagine a reason for a form related to your wedding to ask your birth parents' names. Or, to know the names of your parents. Meaning, the people who raised you. But -- and you may call it semantics, but they are semantics that have a meaning here -- in that case, you should ask for "parents" or "birth parents." Don't ask someone about "natural parents" or "real parents." Both birth and adoptive parents could fit either definition. Don't say, "But you know what I mean." No, I don't. Both sets of parents are critical in our lives, so let's not devalue either with a poor choice of wording.
• Related: Both my children are my "real" children.
• Don't see me with my son -- me, with my fair skin, light brown hair and freckles, and him with black hair and tan skin -- and say, what does his father look like? Well, duh. EVERYONE looks like his or her parents -- their birth parents. You're not going to learn anything valuable by asking this question. The most you can learn here is that I did, in fact, adopt my son. Why do you need to know?
• Don't ask about the 2yo's birth parents. Frankly, it's not my story to tell. When he's older, he can decide if he wants you to know about them, and in that case, he'll tell you himself.
• Now here's an interesting situation I find myself in frequently. In my family, we frequently say things like, "You take after so-and-so." or "You get that from your aunt." In the past, I'd always unconsciously tied such statements to genes. But I've made such statements about my son, and meant them just as earnestly now that I have a broader understanding -- we "take after" our family in our actions as well as in our genetics.

OK, I'm off my soapbox. Please continue with your regular programming.

Chess pie for Easter dinner

  Chess pie for Easter dinner 

I made a chess pie this morning and I really enjoyed my piece after dinner. Strangely, neither of the kids wanted any. I promise they eat barbecue and grits both -- well, at least until the 8yo became a vegetarian last year -- but for some reason, I have apparently failed at getting them to appreciate this particular Southern delicacy. I'll keep working on it.

I got this recipe from my mom. It's always great.

Chess Pie
2 c. sugar
2 heaping T. flour
1 heaping T. cornmeal
1 stick butter, melted
3 eggs, beaten
1/2 c. buttermilk
2 t. vanilla
1/4 t. lemon extract
Pinch of salt

Combine sugar, flour and meal. Add melted butter. Add eggs, buttermilk, vanilla, salt and lemon extract. Beat until well mixed. Bake in a pie shell at 400 degrees, for 10 minutes. Then lower heat to 350 degrees and bake for 30 minutes. Pie should be golden brown on top, and should jiggle just a little when you shake it -- not like water or soup, but not as firm as Jello, either.

links for 2008-03-21

• Will Okun: Teenagers with STDs and America's Children Eating Junk
  Great column.

Easter wha?

I took vacation this week because the 8yo is on spring break. We usually go to Florida to visit my parents on such occasions [free lodging at the beach!!] but this year, she wanted to stay home. For various reasons, it was a good idea to go along. I'm waiting for my mom to call and tell me how it was in the 40s there all week anyway and not to feel bad for missing the beach.

Hmm. She hasn't called yet.

[Of course, that's probably related to her being in TAMPA with the VANDERBILT COMMODORES. Woo hoo! Pause. I bet the weather sure is nice in Tampa this time of year.]

Nonetheless, I've been hanging out with the kiddos all week, but it took until tonight, when I was sitting in the choir loft for the Maundy Thursday service at church, for me to realize: Easter is Sunday.

There is no dinner planned. There are no hidden stashes of candy. There is no Easter grass! Well, I take that last part back. I am now remembering that several years ago, I bought enough Easter grass at a post-Easter sale to keep me in plastic and paper greenery til my children are out of graduate school.

Frankly, I likely would have been better prepared had I worked this week, since I would have overheard other people's conversations about Easter preparations, thus reminding me to get on the stick, and I would have had a lunch hour to dash over to Target.

Now I am stuck with counting on an almost-3-year-old to not really pay attention when we go to Target on Saturday. Not to notice all the chocolate and trinkets I'm stashing in the cart. Umm, right.

Easter dinner will be easier -- no subterfuge required -- though it is going to take a lot of brainpower to come up with something that the 8yo picky vegetarian will eat, and that I consider worthy of serving for Easter dinner.

On the bright side, I have been kicking ass and taking names this week when it comes to wedding planning. I have:

• Bought my dress
• Ordered invitations
• Ordered announcements
• Lined up the florist
• Lined up the photographer

Cakes were ordered last week and chapel has been secured for a couple of months. All that's really left is to figure out what I mean by the "reception" we have invited people to on the invitation. Well, and I have to decide what the kids are wearing. Though we got some ideas about that when we were out at Shopryland today. I just couldn't be in that place one more minute, after we got the 2yo an Easter outfit and both of them shoes. Well, there was a little more to it than that...but my lack of patience with shopping malls is not a secret. I got out while I still could.

Stay tuned....we'll see what I come up with. I'm sure I'll get lots of planning done tomorrow night while the 8yo has a friend over to spend the night.

links for 2008-03-20

• The Fat Pack Wonders if the Party’s Over - New York Times
  Yowza. I didn't know there were still people out there eating so unrepentently.
  (tags: health diet food)
• Barack Obama’s Speech on Race - New York Times
  Great speech.
  (tags: race America Obama)

My kids love hard-boiled eggs

Hard-boiled eggs=Gross

Just a few moments ago, my kids ate hard-boiled eggs for dinner. My daughter ate two. I realize this is not exactly exciting news. But since I was 2, I have hate, hate, hated eggs. It was all I could do to cook them and smell them while they ate.

In fact, I had to look up how to hard-boil eggs online. My mom has told me before, but seeing as how I've maybe done it one other time, I didn't remember. [I use blown eggs for Easter. That way you can keep them from year to year.]

Apparently, I figured out this whole egg-boiling thing, but you're going to have to take the kids' word for it, because I certainly didn't try any.